When talking about marriage as single people, we talk a lot about how we should use our single years to prepare well for it. We talk about the various aspects of marriage (spiritual, financial, relational, etc) but not much about preparing for a great sexual relationship (the tendency usually is to avoid all conversations on sex, with the only thing we hear about it being – “ABSTAIN!”). So below are a few of my thoughts on how we, as singles looking forward to marital sex, can prepare for this gift from God:
– Practice thinking about others before yourself i.e. giving others the advantage over yourself. Society today packages sex as an activity that we engage in to derive pleasure for ourselves alone, but God’s design involves more than this. Sex provides you with an opportunity to love your spouse with your body. The focus shouldn’t really be on how you can ensure YOU get the best out of it, but rather how you can best serve your spouse, and I believe as we focus on pleasing our spouse, we’ll enjoy the experience more, because they in turn will desire to do the same for us. Examples of everyday, practical things we can do now to practice placing others before ourselves: leaving the best piece of chicken for the person who’ll serve after you 🙂 ; allowing the other car to take the parking spot you were both racing to; etc. (Note: I recognize that this kind of preparation isn’t just beneficial for the sexual aspect of a marriage alone).
– Refrain from activities such as masturbation & watching pornography, which propagate the “All About Me” mindset. Engaging in these activities will make you less considerate of your spouse when you eventually get married & have sex because you’ll have trained your mind and body to be self-centered, associating sex solely as an activity you engage in to fulfill your sexual desires, and so it will be difficult for you to place your spouse first and think about how you can satisfy her sexually.
– Keep from watching & reading sexual material, especially those that show a lot of flesh (bum, boobs, legs, etc). The reason for this is that in doing so, you’re training your mind to get turned on by “perfect bodies,” and the likelihood is that your spouse will not have a perfect body, or if he/she does, it probably won’t last forever. The sad thing about this is that as you accustom your mind to “perfect” curves and bodies in general, you probably won’t be turned on by your spouse’s not-so-perfect body once you get married. Your spouse may then get to a place of despair, feeling that there’s nothing he/she can do to satisfy you/sufficiently turn you on, with you on the other hand turning to pornography and other material to satisfy your sexual desires.
Well, that’s all I can think about for now. However, I’d love to know what you think about the above.
One more thing though, and this is specifically to the single men: God has spoken to us future husbands in His Word & told us that our chief responsibility to our wives will be to love them as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25), and what a great opportunity our single years give us to prepare for this. The above points give us some guidelines on what we can do to prepare to love our future wives sexually. Take some time out and talk to God, and find out from Him what else you can do now to prepare, not just for the sexual part of your marriage, but for your marriage as a whole.
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