A lot has been said about abstinence from pre-marital sex & it is the way to go, but from a personal perspective, it appears as though the more focus we give to commanding & reminding people to abstain from sex outside of marriage, the more it’s taking place. Could there be a different way of approaching this issue?
Below are a few of my thoughts on why abstinence from sex outside of marriage is not only a great idea, but a God idea, one that’s to be motivated, not by fear of judgement or punishment from God, but by God’s love for us, & our love for our present or future spouses:
Abstaining from sex before marriage gives me an opportunity to make a trust investment in my future marriage. One of the major issues that plagues many marriages today is the issue of trust, & more so in the area of sexual infidelity. My desire is that once I get married, that my wife will have a stronger reason to believe that I’ll be faithful to her, because even before I met her, even before we started dating, my relationship with God was the thing that kept me from sexual sin. So whether I’m with her, or have flown away on a trip, she is secure in the fact that not only am I committed to our marriage, but more importantly to my relationship with God, & having that relationship guide my way of living.
Contrary to popular belief, I won’t get to have all the sex I want, all the time, once I’m married. Either one of us may travel for a period of time, my wife may be pregnant at the time, etc, & if I haven’t learnt how to control my sexual desires, it’ll be easier for me to be unfaithful to my wife, than it will be for me to tame my sexual desires. My single years therefore give me a great opportunity to learn how to control my sexual desires, because abstinence won’t be practiced in my single years alone, but in my married life as well.
– Here’s is my number 1 reason for abstaining from sex outside of marriage: God loves me. The amazing creator of the universe loves ME, & as I continue to grow in my understanding of His amazing love for me, I am more motivated to keep the instructions He’s given me about sex (& every other area of life) because I know they are coming from a place of love. Whatever it is that God asks me to do, I am assured that He has my best interests at heart, & that He wants the best for me. He isn’t giving me instructions just for the sake of giving instructions. The more I grow in my understanding of God’s love for me, the easier I find it for me to desire God’s design for sex (a marital experience allowing me to express my love to my spouse, while in the process gaining pleasure from it), & not the design propagated by the world (a purely physical activity engaged in to fulfill sexual desires).
I strongly believe that if we change the focus from being solely on telling people to abstain, to helping them understand the love of God and how to have relationship with Him, we will have more people living right motivated by the love relationship they have with God, than motivated by fear of punishment and judgement from God.
(Photo courtesy of bradevanz.com)